What is Marriage?Posted by Kim Rix on December 22nd, 2009
Dear Bride & Groom,
Yesterday, I cooked my husband dinner, made with extra special TLC. Why? Because four years ago yesterday, my husband proposed to me. I appreciate that it’s not an official wedding anniversary, but it’s an occasion that I felt was worth honouring and making an extra effort for.
Marriage is so much more than just a piece of paper. Of course that ‘piece of paper’ also has a lot of weight and meaning but I wanted to spend a little time writing about the reasons I think marriage is so special, and worth pushing the boat out for.
I’m not going to look into any of the cultural or religious reasons that couples may have for marrying each other – I think that if it is important to you then this is already clear. I suppose I am looking at the increasingly apparent model of the modern couple. Many of these aren’t religious, have been together (lived together) for many years, may have children and might even come from broken homes. There are couples I know personally who don’t see the point of getting married because, “we live like we’re married anyway.” But I think they are missing out on something special.
The first thing to acknowledge is that marriage gives a couple completely different legal rights than if they were just co-habiting, have a child or believe they have a ‘common law marriage’. Married couples also have completely different access, rights and obligations to do with tax, pensions, inheritance and parental responsibility. It may also affect the purchase of a home, your access to medical care or even choices to do with immigration. It should be noted that the laws in Scotland differ slightly and you should seek advice if you are not sure about your rights, roles and responsibilities.
When a couple first comes to me I can see how excited they are! And why not? They have agreed to make the most important commitment to one another that you can make. To be there for each other, to love each other forever. There is nothing like being with two people who know they want to commit their lives to being together. The happiness is positively infectious!
Marriage is also the beginning of a whole set of new firsts! The first kiss, the first dance, the first anniversary, and Christmas, and holiday. You get a whole new start as a married couple. There may be only small changes for you, there may be some big ones, but you will notice the difference in how you approach things because you are a unified team sharing these experiences together.
Marriage also brings a great feeling of stability to the relationship. It has been shown that couples experiencing problems are more likely to work harder to get through them if they are married than if they are not. It has a tremendous psychological connection to your feelings of security and is often the first step towards thinking of yourselves as a family.
Personally, I love being married. There is no larger declaration of love than marriage, and it should be honoured with small gestures whenever possible – that’s Marriage!
Kind regards
Kim Rix